worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
