i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
