I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
