too bad you live with your parents still
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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