the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
