Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
