How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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