the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
