everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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