Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
