my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The air was thick with penises
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
