Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
