My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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