Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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