Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
