apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
