You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
