dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
