If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
