Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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