im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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