my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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