I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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