before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
