Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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