My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
