i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
