Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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