so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
