Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
