Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
