i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
