My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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