I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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