Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
