The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
