I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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