Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
