I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
