I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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