You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
