i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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