Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
