if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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