First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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