i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
