We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
