idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
