Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
