I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish you could order shots online.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
