Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
