So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
