i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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