come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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