I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize