dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
