who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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