i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
