Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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