That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
