we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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