All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
