so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had to cum in my sink.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
