Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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