after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
