This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found the puke drawer
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
