There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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