She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
