Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
