Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
