Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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