I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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