i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
