Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
