Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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