I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
