I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
