I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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