I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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