The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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