how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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