did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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