Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
