Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Actions speak louder than pants.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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