Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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