So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
