C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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