do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
