Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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