Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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