The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
