i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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