Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i now understand why vodka
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
