i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
