I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
