I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My cat gives me a boner
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
