Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
