Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
