my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
