can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
