Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
