The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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