dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
