he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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