I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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