Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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