I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
