I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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