mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
