Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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