How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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