You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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